I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
