The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
