I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
