Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
