Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
