I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
