I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
