I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
