I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
