just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
