Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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