Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
