You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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