hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
