Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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