Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
