You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
3 2 1 whiskey
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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