I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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