the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
