i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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