when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
