you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
lets start a swedish sibling band together
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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