Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
