i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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