If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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