Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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