i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize