god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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