I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
