The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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