i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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