she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
