I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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