3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
