I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
