I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
