I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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