i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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