Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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