I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
