Nicole vs. Life
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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