singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
