I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
