The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
