Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
