google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
