It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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