I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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