I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
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Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?