Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.