Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car