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Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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