don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize