no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
