I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize