If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
