Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
