Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
