Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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