she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
