No stitches, just platelets and will power
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
