I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
