If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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