people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
