nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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