Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
