My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize